Riding along nerve endings to arrive at anxious beginnings. Tension mounts as a defense from a very real imaginary enemy. Invisible intruder that is intensely involved at sparing the sparks from what could be versus what should be. This parking lot is filled with employees called emptiness. This spot or that. Either course calls relaxing a weakness. Worry more when there is nothing to worry about. Stress is the blessing of not getting caught off guard. But being on duty perpetually causes the need for more rest. The security guard looks dead with sleepiness. Can’t Rest In Peace while living. Do the dead forget how to defend? Are the graves the only sleep without interruption?
When the path to the end seems so short and full of traps. When the chemicals do a dance off balance. When anxious thinking becomes the new sleep. There you will find rest. Therein lies the trap of cognitive dissonance which is a permanent apartment. The rent is too high but all checks are written to me. I don’t have enough capital to pay the rent this month to myself. How will I come up with rent? How will I pay myself what I owe? I hope that I don’t kick me out of my own building for not paying. This makes me nervous. Better go talk to the landlord about a deal. I will ask to live here again for the first time. Perhaps I will be permitted to stay within, and without the cost of today’s anxiety.
I hope I don’t ask to live in this apartment complex for free. If I do then many will occupy without asking. More rooms will be utilized for wrong reasons. The sign on the mind says no vacancy. Still eyes can see the rooms are vastly empty. Sort of empty. There are many occupants. They do laundry by hand in order to ring them out. They watch TVs that have no power as not to interrupt the imagination. They talk out loud to the landlord who is not far away. He hears everything. He knows who lives inside. How dead they are. The landlord is getting worried that he will lose all his occupants. Where will the sign go that says “no vacancy” when that happens? It will happen! Then what?